We often cry about the ‘system’ and find faults in situations and people around us. We blame the ‘system’ for the various problems we face on a day-to-day basis, whether it is corruption, traffic or pollution. We are perennially disappointed with the companies we work in, whether it is the policies, the politics or the company not recognizing our worth. Even in our personal lives, we have ready explanations for what other people are doing wrong and what they should do differently. However, we rarely look inside what we could do differently. This is a negative cycle. You change nothing and keep on living with frustration and disappointment.
Why does this happen? Why do we see others as the problem and not take responsibility ourselves?
It is human nature to excuse or rationalize one’s own shortcomings while focusing on the obvious improvement needs of others. Our ego is the big culprit. It creates a sense of separateness and also a defensive shield. It makes us stand apart from the ‘system’ as opposed to being part of it. It makes us separate from other people as opposed to being connected with them. It also creates a defensive shield that refuses to accept that we could be part of the problem. It leads to the “I am OK, you are Not OK” posture. All of this results in a rationalization that if I did not create the problem or I am not part of it then it is not my responsibility to fix it.
Even when we recognize the problem, there is often a sense of helplessness about any one individual’s ability to change the ‘system’. The ‘system’ often appears like an unshakable giant, which is impossible for an individual to move. Therefore, you end up rationalizing that it is pointless to make the effort!!
The other challenge is inertia and fear of the unknown that makes it difficult to move out of status quo. We certainly crib about the status quo but often find it difficult to rouse ourselves to action to change it. Inertia makes it difficult to leave the safe harbors of daily existence. It requires additional effort and risk taking to break out and set sail for the open seas. The fear of uncertain storms often over powers the excitement of new opportunities.
Why is it important to take more personal responsibility?
We can keep on crying about the ‘system’. We can keep on explaining how we are in the right or how little influence we have on the ‘system’. That is futile. Your frustrations and self-pity will make no difference. Any ‘system’ is nameless and faceless. You cannot hold it accountable. It cannot change on its own. Clearly, you cannot leave it to divine intervention!! So, what choice do you have? If you are suffering, then it is in your interest to do something about the ‘system’. Given that the most control you have is over your own actions, it is best to start by taking personal responsibility. Your effort will not be wasted. Any ‘system’ is made of individuals. When enough individuals change, there comes a tipping point when the ‘system’ also starts changing.
We often feel that our influence on the ‘system’ is limited. The funny thing about influence is that if you act on what is in your zone of influence that zone keeps on expanding. This leads to growing confidence and broader impact. Conversely, if you keep on focusing on what is not in your zone of influence the boundaries keep on pushing on you, further limiting what you control. This only leads to further despair and frustration. Clearly, it is better to act and grow your zone of influence as opposed to it continuing to push into you.
Finally, if you aspire to develop and be recognized as a leader, you have no option but to take broader ownership. Leadership is about going beyond self and creating broader impact. As you take personal responsibility for problems around you, the leader within you grows. We see numerous examples of this. Many leaders might have been spurred on their leadership journey because of a personal hurt (e.g., Mahatma Gandhi, George Washington, Nelson Mandela) but they gained success because they took ownership of problems on behalf of others and created wide-ranging impact.
How do we make the change?
The start point is self-awareness that there is no option but to take personal accountability. The only thing you can control is your actions. You can keep on floating through life frustrated and beaten by the system and the circumstances. On the other hand, you can stop, take personal responsibility and do something about your circumstances. If you are not completely satisfied with a situation, ask yourself, “What can I do about it? If I can’t control it, how can I positively influence it?”
It is perhaps best to start small and focus on issues most in your control. This could be as simple as not doing wrong overtaking, throwing litter on the road, or trying to bribe the traffic cop. At work, it could be giving your 100% to your job, if you see a colleague needing help then reaching out proactively, if you have concerns with your company’s policies or approach then reaching out not just to point out the problem but also to make suggestions on what and how to change. If you see problems in your industry or local community, then setting up a forum to get people together to discuss and take some common action on the issues. In personal life, it could be about being more empathetic and seeing issues from other’s perspective. As you log in the small personal victories, your self-confidence grows, you gain more clarity on how to make broader change, and eventually your zone of influence grows.
There are off course limits to human action and what you can influence at a given point of time. Therefore, it is important to be able to understand and discriminate between what you can change and what you can’t at a point of time (see a previous blog post, “Shape the future or Follow the flow”). However, the limits to human action and influence are lot more than what we realize. Moreover, as we focus on action our zone of influence expands to include what earlier might not have been within our control.
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To sum it up, the world around us is complex and has many problems. It is important that we move away from blaming others and take personal responsibility. When we blame others, we give up our own power to change. When we take personal responsibility and actions, we can create more positive change than what we imagine.
I would leave you with these beautiful words from Mahatma Gandhi, “You must be the change you want to see in the world”. If more of us could live this, our personal lives would improve immeasurably and the world would be a more beautiful place to live in!!
